This state is mine.
I have the power, I have the dominion.
For this love is mine,
Not anyone else’s to bestow.
I have started it, I shall end it.
It was mid-August when we had started talking. It’s easy to fall when the other one is really suave with his words. His thoughts, ideology, outlook everything just clicks with me. I’m the kind that falls for personality, not looks. His belief, not background. His essence and presence, not affluence.
So it was good. We never dated or tagged us, just a smooth friendship. We were relaxed around each other, hung together a lot of times, talked a lot. It was a phase where I had butterflies and yet I was content with everything in the moment. I neither wished for more or imagined it progressing. Yes, jealousy crept in sometimes, but hey we were not a thing, so it shouldn’t bother me. Just that the time doesn’t sit still you see. It loves passing and creating loops and holes in your story.
Thus a day came when he decided to move to “better opportunities” which were in a different town. I said goodbye with a heavy heart. And this is how it ended. Yeah keeping in touch, mails and all, they were all involved. But it didn’t remain in the moment I wanted to stay forever.
A part of me wants to stay, just like this in his arms forever.
And then a part of me keeps reminding that it will be wrong for me and for him as well if I don’t stop now.
Years later when I think of it, maybe it was right for at least him to move on. One cannot plan to flourish in the desert where nothing but the wind moves and maybe I was the wind keeping this golden sand still.
Love is a difficult subject, a dark one to say. It’s true to parallel the effects of it with that of a drug. It always starts with all those gushy feelings which you can never let go of. It keeps you around giving you a delightful little dose daily. Making you an addict without a realization. And one day if it stops or you aren’t fed enough, that’s the point when it all breaks. The mirage you were in, it is just gone leaving you devasted. Not everyone is lucky to have it for the rest of their lives, many are left heartbroken. Many are left unrequited.