It’s been 6 years and there hasn’t been a single day I haven’t thought about him. Never a moment when I hadn’t wished for him to return. I know that’s not possible, but it just keeps getting hard to live. I keep reliving the past in my mind. Somehow I have come to believe I don’t deserve happiness.
I try my best to lead a good life. I’m kind, helpful, patient, loving, caring, sweet. I try my best to be this way. I don’t wish to hurt others. I don’t want them to feel any kind of a pain in life because I know what it is like to live with a heavy heart. Trust me it’s not good.
I can’t show my tears to everyone. I never had. I don’t cry in public nor in front of my real close friends. I never had. He was the only person who had seen my tears.
It’s not an assumption but an observation. Never in my life, I had close people around me, especially when I needed them the most. I left home at an early age of 16 for studies and have never returned. I never ever had someone to take care of me. I have been doing that for myself since a long time. Every time I had someone close in my life, they leave eventually. So living on my own has become more of a habit for me.
But it hurts sometimes you know, being alone isn’t all that great. I wish there was someone to talk to, to share my thoughts with, someone who understands me.
I never knew his absence would become a void I can never fill. No matter how hard I try to stick around people, I just keep losing them. I always knew he wouldn’t be around forever, however, losing him so soon was never in my mind.